i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
