Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
