My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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