Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
