in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
