omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
