we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
