Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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