Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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