can we get nightvision for the apartment?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
