batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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