You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
