Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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