Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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