Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
thus making me awesome and them whores
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
