when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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