So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
