I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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