she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I puked a lego.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
