I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
