Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
