i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
