yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize