you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
