I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
