So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
