For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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