New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Be still, my beating vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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