Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
