Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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