you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
