I just threw up on my dentist
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize