I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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