Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
