I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
