The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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