Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.

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  (973): Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California. http://tfl.nu/4mjs
  Replies (43) Good night (1123) Bad night (2796)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

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  (985): If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable. http://tfl.nu/fbq8
  Replies (12) Good night (5482) Bad night (606)
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  (619): View more from California

  i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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  (619): i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out http://tfl.nu/smzd
  Replies (20) Good night (660) Bad night (3350)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.

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  (203): I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny. http://tfl.nu/r59v
  Replies (17) Good night (742) Bad night (3930)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.

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  (231): I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/7ezq
  Replies (9) Good night (3432) Bad night (1208)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3393) Bad night (5193)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.

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  (918): I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims. http://tfl.nu/k6sh
  Replies (3) Good night (1730) Bad night (668)
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  (348): View more from

  Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.

  (1-348): View more from

  You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.

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  (348): Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place. (1-348): You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion. http://tfl.nu/i2j4
  Replies (5) Good night (3289) Bad night (562)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

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  (651): Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already http://tfl.nu/xrp9
  Replies (13) Good night (1158) Bad night (474)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.

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  (847): And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice. http://tfl.nu/ait7
  Replies (11) Good night (748) Bad night (1100)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.

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  (905): It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms. http://tfl.nu/s3t3
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (351)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.

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  (425): I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly. http://tfl.nu/0bgb
  Replies (2) Good night (880) Bad night (246)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face

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  (609): jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face http://tfl.nu/r9ws
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (215)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.

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  (251): Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling. http://tfl.nu/lulr
  Replies (4) Good night (273) Bad night (742)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends

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  (613): We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends http://tfl.nu/r2xw
  Replies (0) Good night (578) Bad night (176)

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