I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE