I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago