Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.

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(205): So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God. http://tfl.nu/2tiv

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(519): View more from Ontario

she's naming her girl london marie

(519): View more from Ontario

that kid will be born with a tramp stamp

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(519): she's naming her girl london marie (519): that kid will be born with a tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/2dqp

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"

(262): View more from Wisconsin

That was long passed due.

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(414): I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol" (262): That was long passed due. http://tfl.nu/6bqu

Replies (36) Good night (5085) Bad night (973)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter

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(702): Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter http://tfl.nu/pr4p

Replies (22) Good night (4318) Bad night (1197)
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(817): View more from Texas

I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

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(817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Is he smart?

(1-952): View more from Minnesota

Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.

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(952): Is he smart? (1-952): Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/hxnn

Replies (20) Good night (5973) Bad night (1124)
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(646): View more from New York

I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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(646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr

Replies (17) Good night (6369) Bad night (987)
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(302): View more from Delaware

this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"

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(302): this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time" http://tfl.nu/89ij

Replies (10) Good night (1040) Bad night (1752)
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(571): View more from Virginia

she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.

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(571): she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant. http://tfl.nu/awg1

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(513): View more from Ohio

Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?

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(513): Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/gja3

Replies (14) Good night (1366) Bad night (4526)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm pregnant.

(1-407): View more from Florida

The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

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(407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7

Replies (17) Good night (1639) Bad night (2296)
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(979): View more from Texas

It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

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(979): It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun. http://tfl.nu/ajrj

Replies (6) Good night (1711) Bad night (711)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

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(+44): My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste. http://tfl.nu/tlxh

Replies (10) Good night (588) Bad night (850)
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(613): View more from Ontario

She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!

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(613): She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved! http://tfl.nu/ke0j

Replies (6) Good night (1760) Bad night (533)
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(914): View more from New York

I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr

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(914): I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr http://tfl.nu/3ptr

Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (306)

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