All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
