I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident