Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

but fathers day is next sunday

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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(781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day (617): but fathers day is next sunday (781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet http://tfl.nu/pxvx

Replies (14) Good night (999) Bad night (4405)
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(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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(315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss

Replies (131) Good night (62645) Bad night (2551)
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(206): View more from Washington

imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.

(206): View more from Washington

Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.

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(206): imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk. (206): Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy. http://tfl.nu/ynk1

Replies (21) Good night (7092) Bad night (937)
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(631): View more from New York

Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...

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(631): Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend... http://tfl.nu/7zoq

Replies (5) Good night (5813) Bad night (849)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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(773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt

Replies (12) Good night (9842) Bad night (1276)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

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(570): as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing" http://tfl.nu/9hoo

Replies (10) Good night (5441) Bad night (1199)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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(202): I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now. http://tfl.nu/oo06

Replies (5) Good night (2949) Bad night (776)
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(352): View more from Florida

Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.

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(352): Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman. http://tfl.nu/vqgs

Replies (13) Good night (2828) Bad night (761)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song

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(908): Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song http://tfl.nu/uwq0

Replies (13) Good night (1514) Bad night (629)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick

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(570): I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick http://tfl.nu/k83b

Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (481)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...

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(479): I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower... http://tfl.nu/hy7a

Replies (1) Good night (475) Bad night (684)
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(417): View more from Missouri

All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"

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(417): All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?" http://tfl.nu/7ine

Replies (4) Good night (1041) Bad night (428)
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement

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(787): I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement http://tfl.nu/yxd8

Replies (3) Good night (465) Bad night (795)
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(720): View more from Colorado

"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."

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(720): "He was so not worth staining my backseat for." http://tfl.nu/nr5f

Replies (3) Good night (379) Bad night (720)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I have suspicion of morning wood.

(281): View more from Texas

How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?

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(832): I have suspicion of morning wood. (281): How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis? http://tfl.nu/x95m

Replies (4) Good night (867) Bad night (425)

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