i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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