yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.