Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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