Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
