Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think your dad took our porno
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize