i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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