He is an equal opportunity slut.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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