Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
