I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
