your room smells of hookers.
And success
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
