eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
