My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
