How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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