Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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