I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
