Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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