And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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