...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
