i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
