I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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