Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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