im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
