someone threw a dead crab at me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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