Ketchup is God's man juice
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize