Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
