just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
