phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
