I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
