Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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