do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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