My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
