What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
