Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
