Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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