shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
