Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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