If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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