I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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