omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
