apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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