I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
