Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
