Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
