As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
